Your Pain is Painful (Iris)

[Lex Lively]

After a few moments of hesitation and nervousness, Lex finally knocked on Iris' door. She was already sure that Iris would be in there alone, having hovered around her own door, peaking out at every sound of a door closing until she saw Patricia leave. She felt like she had to talk to Iris and soon, before the improved mood induced by her meeting with Deb wore off. Still, she was worried about what exactly she was going to say to Iris and if she would be able to communicate how she felt without getting angry. And what about Iris? Would she even listen or would everything descend into shouting again?

Katrien may have been desperate for the three of them to get a room together again, but Lex wasn't so sure. It was probably better, at least for now, for her and Iris to be apart. Lex certainly couldn't deal with Iris' denial and she wasn't even sure if she could completely deal with Iris' acceptance. Even though she hated hearing Iris defend her dad, Lex was still afraid of having to relive her own experiences through her friend.

Still, she wanted someone around who understood. Katrien might know more or less what had happened to her, but she still didn't get it. And although Makepeace had ignored her for the last few months, there had been something a little comforting about him being around, but now he was gone. It was what now drew her to Chuck, who clearly had some shared experiences. But she still felt closer to Iris, who had been her friend longer.

So now she waited, hoping that she would be able to express herself and that Iris would be able to hear her.

[Iris Pratt]

The book on the desk in front of her was unopened. A picture of a plant with long pink tentacles covered the front page, equally cute and terrifying. Just the thing to spike Iris' interest. Normally. But the girl's eyes were only half open and her head was slipping out of the hand that held it up, threatening to slam against the wooden table with a loud 'BANG'. 

She was just so bored. Her new roommate was allright, but even she had gone now and Iris was all alone. How she had managed living on her own for half a year was a mystery. Iris missed her friends. As she remembered it, they had all gotten along perfectly and she couldn't for the life of her understand why principal Cook still refused to let them share a room.

At the sound of a knock on the door, Iris head jerked up. Was it Kit and Lex wanting to go down to dinner with her? Or Andrew asking her to the Valentine Dance? For all Iris cared, it could be the custodian yelling at her to clean up in the hallway. She would just be thankful for the company. She basically jumped up from her desk chair and ran to the door, throwing it open in a wide gesture to reveal Lex.

"Hi", she breathed, a mix of excitement and confusion on her face. It wasn't often that Iris and Lex spent time together without Katrien also being there. She peeked around the door frame but there was clearly only one girl outside her room. "Are you going down to dinner?" she asked before finding her manners and moving to the side to leave room for Lex to enter if she wanted to. "Do you want to come in?"

[Lex Lively]

"Hi... " Lex repeated, already feeling like she was at a loss for words. She saw Iris look around for Katrien. Not that it was upsetting or offensive. She realized that it wasn't often that Lex came looking for Iris without Kit. How much time had she and Iris even spent alone together? Not very much, that was for sure. Still, she considered Iris one of her best friends, only after Katrien and she didn't want to lose that.

"In a bit," she answered, slipping into the room when Iris offered. She wasn't really sure how to start, now that she was actually there. Awkwardly, she stuck her hands into her pockets and leaned back against the wall by Iris' door. It was nice to have the hard surface behind her, as if the wall could both literally and metaphorically support her. "Um, I just wanted to talk to you. I feel like... uh... I feel like there are some things I should tell you," she started haltingly.

She had gone through this twice already with Chuck and Kit, but it felt a lot harder this time. Katrien had already guessed some of it and she felt like she would probably have to spell things out more clearly for Iris. As for Chuck, she hadn't had to battle against his own denial. Now that she was there, she was starting to fear that this really was a bad idea. Maybe she should have practiced what she was going to say instead of just deciding she should talk to Iris.

[Iris Pratt]

For a good half minute, Iris didn't even look at Lex. She was too busy rearranging flowers and  hiding empty cocoa cups. After all, she had a guest over and she couldn't have her room looking shabby and unkept. It wasn't ladylike.

As she straightened another table cloth, she wondered what it was that Lex wanted to tell her. Could it be that her friend actually had a date for the Valentine's Dance and now she wanted Iris to fix her
up just like she had Kit? That was certainly out of Lex' comfort zone and was a good an explanation as any as to why the girl was stuttering.

Finally looking up at her friend, Iris' excited smile faltered. As uncomfortable as Lex looked, it didn't seem like she was there to ask for a Tai Frasier makeover. It was starting to become clear to Iris that this wasn't just a casual visit. "Is everything ok?" she asked and took a hesitant step forward, shortening the distance between the two girls.

[Lex Lively]

Lex found it a bit odd that Iris seemed so concerned about making her room presentable. After all, they had been roommates until just a day ago so it wasn't as if these weren't things Lex had seen before. Things were awkward though, so maybe Iris just needed something to busy her hands. "Um, well, yes, I mean, sort of," Lex responded hesitantly. She supposed she must look pretty stressed out. Or maybe Iris just assumed something was wrong because Katrien wasn't there with her.

She definitely should have thought this through more and come up with something to say before getting there. There was a large part of her that just wanted to bolt now, that was too scared to face Iris again. It took a lot to stand her ground at that moment and she still wasn't sure it was the best option. Countless bad scenarios kept playing through her head as she attempted to collect her thoughts.

"There are some things that I never told you... " Lex finally started. "I think -- I hope -- that maybe it will explain and... and help you understand why I get so mad about your dad." Lex braced herself for a reaction from Iris. Would the other girl even let her finish? Maybe she would just kick her out at the very mention of her father. "I don't want to keep having these fights, so I feel like I should just tell you what it is... " but she trailed off, losing confidence again. How was she going to force the words to form on her tongue?

[Iris Pratt]

"Oh." Iris stopped midstep when Lex started talking. "About my dad..." she repeated hesitantly while slowly tracing her steps backward. Whatever this was, it couldn't be good. Se didn't think there would be a fight. Atleast she hoped there wouldn't. But something in Lex's words gave her the feeling that whatever it was her friend had to tell her, Iris would rather have been left in the dark. When she felt a chair behind her, she sat down and curled her legs up beneath her.

Staring down at her hands in her lap, she suddenly felt ashamed of herself. Lex was one of her best friends, and if there was something the other girl wanted to tell her, she should listen and be supportive. As much as she dreaded what woould happen next, she forced herself to look up at her friend. She even managed a smile that she hoped would appear kind and assuring. As Lex seemed to trail  of, she urged her on. "Well, what is it?" she asked. "You can tell me. We're friends."

Some people would say it was better to have it over with. To just rip it off like a bandaid, and the pain would be over in a second. That the worst part was the wait. Iris hoped it was true, because not knowing what Lex was going to say was killing her. And not in a youcanneverguesswhohasacrushonyou way.

[Lex Lively]

Lex felt like her chest was being constricted and she felt her eyes prick with tears. She stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, blinking rapidly to keep any tears from overflowing. This was why she so rarely opened up to people, she hated this feeling of helplessness. She knew perfectly well that bottling up her emotions lead to outbursts, often violent ones at that. Yet, in her opinion, the alternative wasn't much more appealing. Expressing your feelings through punching was a lot easier than expressing them through words. She had to remind herself that that feeling of release was only temporary and that she always felt much worse in the long run.

She did have to start at some point, though, she realized. Standing there in silence as the seconds ticked by wasn't going to make things any easier, that was for sure. She really hoped that what Iris said was true, because she didn't know if she could bear it if this turned into another fight or if Iris turned away from her completely. "My dad... " she started, the words already catching in her throat. She swallowed and continued, "he went to jail when I was six." Her heart was pounding now and she felt a little sick. There it was, it was out. At least one of the important parts. Of course, that wasn't all and Lex knew it wasn't enough to explain everything.

"He went to jail for the same reason your dad did." Her voice was low and strained. She hoped Iris would get it, the way Katrien had because she really didn't think she could actually bring herself to say the words. "And when you talk about your dad, it's like you're calling me a liar, it's like you're defending my dad too. And it just... it made me so mad." Lex let out a breath and stopped, waiting anxiously for Iris' reaction before she continued with any more explanation. Once again she braced herself for what might come, not even sure what reaction she was hoping for.

[Iris Pratt]

Iris couldn't help herself. Her hand went up to her mouth to cover the sharp inhale that escaped her lips and her eyes widened as she looked up at the girl in front of her. Her eyes filled up with compassionate tears and she made half an attempt to get up from her chair. She didn't even care that Lex wasn't much for hugging. She just wanted to hold her friend. Having an imprisoned father was awful, Iris could testify to that herself. But Lex wasn't finished.

"Did he... Was he..." Iris couldn't make her lips form any of the important words. Did he hit your family? Did he hit you? Was he a bad man? Was he abusive? All the questions people had been asking her since her father's arrest passed through her mind, but she couldn't make herself say any of it. Helplessly, she looked up at her friend. It wasn't the same was it? Lex had said it was, but it couldn't, could it? Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, she begged hopelessly, as if Lex could read her mind.

Iris certainly didn't feel better knowing Lex's secret. Not at the moment anyway. Her stomach was twisting and turning, as if snakes were battling it out inside of her. Afraid she might be sick, she once again covered her mouth with her hand. After her first two unfinished sentences, she didn't say a word. If her skin hadn't been so flawlessly taken care of, one might have thought she'd come down with Spattergroit.